You Wanna Know Who I'm Hating On?

You really wanna know who I'm hating on?

F*** Robin Thicke.

Real talk.

Anyways, I would change my last name for the to be named individual....



The lovely Ms Paula Patton. Aka Ms Robin Thicke.

To be completely honest, I would change my last name for this lady.

Which would be interesting because my first name is Patten. Her last name is Patton. My name would be Patten Patton. I might have to change my middle name too, to Pattin or Pattyn. On some Tony Toni Tone type deal.



Yep...

I'm mad...

Why Didn't I Think Of That? - Wine In A Box

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, pretty much anything can be discovered thanks to the world's best internet search engine, Alta Vista.




...


Sorry, I got stuck in 1998 there for a second. But anyways...


Thanks to Google, and also Wikipedia, all of life's great mysteries can be found.

Literally.

I wanted to know who came up with the idea of Wine in a box, so this is what I typed.




Wow, that was really easy. How does Google ALWAYS know what I mean? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!

But I digress...

I thought wine in a box was a relatively new invention. Early 2000s, 90s, late 80s at the earliest. Come to find out, it was actually invented in 1965! See, blogs can be educational too. The box wine process was patented by Australian winemaker Thomas Angove.

Apparently these Polyurethane "bladders" (for lack of a better term) are less susceptible to oxidation, which can spoil wines in glass bottles once opened and not finished in a timely manner. So basically what that means is once you crack that glass, you need to finish it. Bottom line. Or is it Bottom's Up? (Ir)Regardless...

On the downside, boxed wines have a shorter shelf life than bottled wines. You don't buy these and keep them in your basement stored for a special occasion. No maam! Strictly purchase it, pop it, and pour it (and finish it, lest you waste, and I don't condone such nonsense).

Wineries prefer it because it's less expensive and more environmentally friendly. Who knew drinking could help save our Earth? So




equals...




It all makes sense now!

Another interesting fact is "high class" winemakers argue that box wine is a cheap means for alcoholics to get drunk and binge drink. So? Well apparently a box of 5 liter wine, at around 10-15% alcohol (20-30 proof) goes for about $10. Really no excuse to drink Four Loko or Joose at those prices (peep my previous blog post on that). In Australia, box wine is referred as (and I promise I'm not making this up) as "boxy" or "goon."

Goon?

Goon.

It's only right we award it the...




OFFICIAL United States Goon Seal of Approval (that pic is so awesome)

Dear Pharrell, Chad, and Star Trak Records...

Hey guys. What's up? It's me, P. Yeah, me. I think I last saw Pharrell a few months ago? Yeah, in the Enzo I think...




Anyways, on to the point. I'm a big fan. No, really. 757 all day. "In Search Of..." and "Lord Willin' " changed my life. And I actually purchased Clipse and N.E.R.D. albums. From real stores nonetheless! That's a big deal nowadays.

On top of that, I really like the other Star Trak artists too. For the most part. Is Shae someone's cousin or something? Nevermind, don't answer that. But Slim Thug, Snoop, Robin Thicke, amongst others, all had good albums on Star Trak. They were so good, I was thinking of some of the other artists on the label like...


Vanessa Marquez and/or Natasha Ramos

I didn't feel like googling an image because too many other chicks kept popping up. Like Kelis. Plus no one knows what they look like anyway. Sue me. Going on...

How did neither one of these songstresses get an album put out? With the backing of P and Chad's beats, how could they not at least be somewhat successful? Some jams from both...





Apparently, Ms. Marquez sang background on Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body" which I happen to like so I shall post that too.



Word is Vanessa Marquez left Star Trak so she probably works as a receptionist or telemarketer somewhere. *sigh* What could have been...Ah well, next up is...




Come on guys! He was on the first Clipse album! He had his own interlude! "There aint nothin you can teach me..." You remember that? That was 2002! I was still in high school back then (with a decent GPA).

Think about all the bangers this man has put out. Rock N Roll. Fresh N Drivin (a lot of N's). Da Beeper Record. Just off the top of my head. Here's one of my favorite slept on Fam joints...



You betta get 'er mayne!

Lastly we have...




Actually I don't care if she ever puts an album out. Her body is just bad. And those lips....

Oh and how could I forget...







awww yeah!

Extenze....Pause Just In Case....

I'm feeling generous so I'll bless yall with two in one night...lulz

At my current job I work nights. I get off of work at 12:15am, so I get home pretty late. After I catch up on my shows on DVR and Sportscenter, I flip through channels hoping to find something of merit (I often fail and resort to reruns of whatever is good on HBO OnDemand or the Xbox 360 aka Ol' Faithful). The commercials at this time of night are not your usual fare. No, all too often I'm forced to sit through LENGTHY Extenze commercials. SEVERAL times and this makes me angry!!! >:( (the mad face is meant to show you how upset I get).

After being bombarded by commercial upon commercial upon commercial, I wondered who exactly was buying this product enough for them to continue making commercials and how they made a profit. Despite being late night, commercials still cost money. Extenze has at least two to three commercials every commercial break! Someone is buying this stuff!

[Preemptive "No Homo"] Does the s____ really work is the question? [/Preemptive "No Homo].

for the record I am a nerd and I used to be nice with the HTML, hence the backslashes but now I'm a slacker and a bum will never amount to nothing. please continue....

So like I often do, I turned to Google. You'd be surprised as to what will come up when you Google search something. The first few hits were not in fact reviews of Extenze, but merely advertisements, with sexually suggestive pictures. Here's one...



Yeah...

So....I hit the interwebz to see what's REALLY good.

In 2006 ExtenZe agreed to pay the Orange County, California district attorney’s office $300,000 in civil penalties for unfair business practices and false advertising. Susan Kang Schroeder of the DA's office said the company could not back up its claim that the pills caused users’ penises to grow 27%. After several customers in Laguna Beach, California complained to the Better Business Bureau that ExtenZe was making them sick, the district attorney investigated. Investigations revealed that ExtenZe’s lead content was beyond the legal limits.

Informative Link (kinda, but not really)

So basically, you're stuck with whatever schlong size you're working with. Pause. No homo. Etc. Ugh I feel nasty...

Tell 'Em Why You Mad Son: Moscato

Aight so I'm back on my blog ish. I'm lazy so I don't update as much as I should but...enh...whatever....anyways....

As I was at the crib sipping a refreshing glass of Pinot Grigio (my favorite white wine grapes) I thought about the sudden trend regarding Moscato. When did this s#!t become so popular? I've tasted it before, being an alcoholic and all, unable to turn down a drink, and I was not impressed. It's too sweet and doesn't have any bite at all. I like my drinks HARD (pause).

So anyways, I've pretty much focused the direction of my hate towards Drake. Peep game...

Trey Songz ft. Drake Invented Sex

its a celebration
clap, clap bravo
lobster and shrimp
and a glass of moscato
for the girl whos a student
and her friend whos a model
finish the whole bottle

See I can't really hate on the sentiments here. Lobster and shrimp are pretty delicious. And he wants the friend to finish the whole bottle. Such a young lady would likely be inebriated and less uptight, morally. Also Drake is a fellow lightskinned homie, plus I met the man (peep an eaaaaaaaarly entry). Unfortunately, he is to blame.

As a gentleman who is fond of alcohol in it's various forms, I can't be but too mad. But I wonder how the makers of Muscato have been able to cope with it's sudden increase in popularity?



That bottle looks kinda dope...Anyways...

Here's a swipe from a wine blog regarding your beloved Moscato...

Moscato is a sparkling, white, dessert wine and while it doesn't have as much fizz as a champagne, it is a quite a bit sweeter than champagne. The taste always reminds me of fig newton bars mixed with pear. Moscato is made from the Muscat grape and typically comes from Italy although muscat grapes are also grown in Spain, Chile, Australia and other countries and those countries produce their own versions of wine from them. Asti Spumante also comes from the muscat grape and is similiar to moscato with the exception of a little more fizz. My favorite high end moscato wine is the Bartenura brand. They make both a moscato and a malvasia. St. Supery also makes a great moscato. A bottle of this wine will run anywhere from twenty dollars to six dollars a bottle. The Barefoot brand of moscato is the lower end and that brand also has a good flavor. You can pick up a bottle of that for about five or six dollars. Try some moscato with some bleu cheese and put those taste buds to work!

Learning is fun!!! Courtesy of Playing With Food and Wine!

Fellas, don't go out like that tho...please read...

Moscatos and malvasias are the ultimate girly wines. I haven't met a chick yet who doesn't love them. If you are not a big wine drinker, but you would like to start getting into more wine, moscato is the perfect wine to cut your eye teeth on.

In other words, if you're drinking this, please revoke your man card and pull your skirt down, your vagina is showing.

Thanks Quincy Jones....

...for your daughter, Rashida Leah Jones.


Hope you didn't think this was gonna be another post MJ "Thriller" post? Nah son, I keeps it fresh.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, the best thing Quincy put out in the 70s was not "Off The Wall" but rather this beautiful product of his loins (pause).

On top of being ridiculous good looking, she is also a Harvard Alum! Beauty, brains and funny too! Who could resist?

Looks like she only digs white guys however :/

Cartoon Network - f*** is you doin yo?

So apparently Cartoon Network has decided to begin a segment on Wednesdays where they show live action shows.

The f***?

Exactly. What happened to the days when you would know what to expect from a channel from it's name? Watching Music Television, I could expect to actually hear some music instead of watching someone's mom pick who he or she should date. A change to American Movie Classics and expect the movie on it not to suck. I could even watch Black Entertainment Television and expect to be entertained, not ashamed of my race. Now they are taking my cartoons?

F***!

Not like there aren't hundreds of channels showing real people every hour of every day. Why change the one top draw for your channel? Why would this change attract viewers?

Now every Wednesday I'll be able to watch a trivia game show that takes place on a rollercoaster. No, really...

F*** my life...