You Wanna Know Who I'm Hating On?

You really wanna know who I'm hating on?

F*** Robin Thicke.

Real talk.

Anyways, I would change my last name for the to be named individual....



The lovely Ms Paula Patton. Aka Ms Robin Thicke.

To be completely honest, I would change my last name for this lady.

Which would be interesting because my first name is Patten. Her last name is Patton. My name would be Patten Patton. I might have to change my middle name too, to Pattin or Pattyn. On some Tony Toni Tone type deal.



Yep...

I'm mad...

Why Didn't I Think Of That? - Wine In A Box

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, pretty much anything can be discovered thanks to the world's best internet search engine, Alta Vista.




...


Sorry, I got stuck in 1998 there for a second. But anyways...


Thanks to Google, and also Wikipedia, all of life's great mysteries can be found.

Literally.

I wanted to know who came up with the idea of Wine in a box, so this is what I typed.




Wow, that was really easy. How does Google ALWAYS know what I mean? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!

But I digress...

I thought wine in a box was a relatively new invention. Early 2000s, 90s, late 80s at the earliest. Come to find out, it was actually invented in 1965! See, blogs can be educational too. The box wine process was patented by Australian winemaker Thomas Angove.

Apparently these Polyurethane "bladders" (for lack of a better term) are less susceptible to oxidation, which can spoil wines in glass bottles once opened and not finished in a timely manner. So basically what that means is once you crack that glass, you need to finish it. Bottom line. Or is it Bottom's Up? (Ir)Regardless...

On the downside, boxed wines have a shorter shelf life than bottled wines. You don't buy these and keep them in your basement stored for a special occasion. No maam! Strictly purchase it, pop it, and pour it (and finish it, lest you waste, and I don't condone such nonsense).

Wineries prefer it because it's less expensive and more environmentally friendly. Who knew drinking could help save our Earth? So




equals...




It all makes sense now!

Another interesting fact is "high class" winemakers argue that box wine is a cheap means for alcoholics to get drunk and binge drink. So? Well apparently a box of 5 liter wine, at around 10-15% alcohol (20-30 proof) goes for about $10. Really no excuse to drink Four Loko or Joose at those prices (peep my previous blog post on that). In Australia, box wine is referred as (and I promise I'm not making this up) as "boxy" or "goon."

Goon?

Goon.

It's only right we award it the...




OFFICIAL United States Goon Seal of Approval (that pic is so awesome)

Dear Pharrell, Chad, and Star Trak Records...

Hey guys. What's up? It's me, P. Yeah, me. I think I last saw Pharrell a few months ago? Yeah, in the Enzo I think...




Anyways, on to the point. I'm a big fan. No, really. 757 all day. "In Search Of..." and "Lord Willin' " changed my life. And I actually purchased Clipse and N.E.R.D. albums. From real stores nonetheless! That's a big deal nowadays.

On top of that, I really like the other Star Trak artists too. For the most part. Is Shae someone's cousin or something? Nevermind, don't answer that. But Slim Thug, Snoop, Robin Thicke, amongst others, all had good albums on Star Trak. They were so good, I was thinking of some of the other artists on the label like...


Vanessa Marquez and/or Natasha Ramos

I didn't feel like googling an image because too many other chicks kept popping up. Like Kelis. Plus no one knows what they look like anyway. Sue me. Going on...

How did neither one of these songstresses get an album put out? With the backing of P and Chad's beats, how could they not at least be somewhat successful? Some jams from both...





Apparently, Ms. Marquez sang background on Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body" which I happen to like so I shall post that too.



Word is Vanessa Marquez left Star Trak so she probably works as a receptionist or telemarketer somewhere. *sigh* What could have been...Ah well, next up is...




Come on guys! He was on the first Clipse album! He had his own interlude! "There aint nothin you can teach me..." You remember that? That was 2002! I was still in high school back then (with a decent GPA).

Think about all the bangers this man has put out. Rock N Roll. Fresh N Drivin (a lot of N's). Da Beeper Record. Just off the top of my head. Here's one of my favorite slept on Fam joints...



You betta get 'er mayne!

Lastly we have...




Actually I don't care if she ever puts an album out. Her body is just bad. And those lips....

Oh and how could I forget...







awww yeah!

Extenze....Pause Just In Case....

I'm feeling generous so I'll bless yall with two in one night...lulz

At my current job I work nights. I get off of work at 12:15am, so I get home pretty late. After I catch up on my shows on DVR and Sportscenter, I flip through channels hoping to find something of merit (I often fail and resort to reruns of whatever is good on HBO OnDemand or the Xbox 360 aka Ol' Faithful). The commercials at this time of night are not your usual fare. No, all too often I'm forced to sit through LENGTHY Extenze commercials. SEVERAL times and this makes me angry!!! >:( (the mad face is meant to show you how upset I get).

After being bombarded by commercial upon commercial upon commercial, I wondered who exactly was buying this product enough for them to continue making commercials and how they made a profit. Despite being late night, commercials still cost money. Extenze has at least two to three commercials every commercial break! Someone is buying this stuff!

[Preemptive "No Homo"] Does the s____ really work is the question? [/Preemptive "No Homo].

for the record I am a nerd and I used to be nice with the HTML, hence the backslashes but now I'm a slacker and a bum will never amount to nothing. please continue....

So like I often do, I turned to Google. You'd be surprised as to what will come up when you Google search something. The first few hits were not in fact reviews of Extenze, but merely advertisements, with sexually suggestive pictures. Here's one...



Yeah...

So....I hit the interwebz to see what's REALLY good.

In 2006 ExtenZe agreed to pay the Orange County, California district attorney’s office $300,000 in civil penalties for unfair business practices and false advertising. Susan Kang Schroeder of the DA's office said the company could not back up its claim that the pills caused users’ penises to grow 27%. After several customers in Laguna Beach, California complained to the Better Business Bureau that ExtenZe was making them sick, the district attorney investigated. Investigations revealed that ExtenZe’s lead content was beyond the legal limits.

Informative Link (kinda, but not really)

So basically, you're stuck with whatever schlong size you're working with. Pause. No homo. Etc. Ugh I feel nasty...

Tell 'Em Why You Mad Son: Moscato

Aight so I'm back on my blog ish. I'm lazy so I don't update as much as I should but...enh...whatever....anyways....

As I was at the crib sipping a refreshing glass of Pinot Grigio (my favorite white wine grapes) I thought about the sudden trend regarding Moscato. When did this s#!t become so popular? I've tasted it before, being an alcoholic and all, unable to turn down a drink, and I was not impressed. It's too sweet and doesn't have any bite at all. I like my drinks HARD (pause).

So anyways, I've pretty much focused the direction of my hate towards Drake. Peep game...

Trey Songz ft. Drake Invented Sex

its a celebration
clap, clap bravo
lobster and shrimp
and a glass of moscato
for the girl whos a student
and her friend whos a model
finish the whole bottle

See I can't really hate on the sentiments here. Lobster and shrimp are pretty delicious. And he wants the friend to finish the whole bottle. Such a young lady would likely be inebriated and less uptight, morally. Also Drake is a fellow lightskinned homie, plus I met the man (peep an eaaaaaaaarly entry). Unfortunately, he is to blame.

As a gentleman who is fond of alcohol in it's various forms, I can't be but too mad. But I wonder how the makers of Muscato have been able to cope with it's sudden increase in popularity?



That bottle looks kinda dope...Anyways...

Here's a swipe from a wine blog regarding your beloved Moscato...

Moscato is a sparkling, white, dessert wine and while it doesn't have as much fizz as a champagne, it is a quite a bit sweeter than champagne. The taste always reminds me of fig newton bars mixed with pear. Moscato is made from the Muscat grape and typically comes from Italy although muscat grapes are also grown in Spain, Chile, Australia and other countries and those countries produce their own versions of wine from them. Asti Spumante also comes from the muscat grape and is similiar to moscato with the exception of a little more fizz. My favorite high end moscato wine is the Bartenura brand. They make both a moscato and a malvasia. St. Supery also makes a great moscato. A bottle of this wine will run anywhere from twenty dollars to six dollars a bottle. The Barefoot brand of moscato is the lower end and that brand also has a good flavor. You can pick up a bottle of that for about five or six dollars. Try some moscato with some bleu cheese and put those taste buds to work!

Learning is fun!!! Courtesy of Playing With Food and Wine!

Fellas, don't go out like that tho...please read...

Moscatos and malvasias are the ultimate girly wines. I haven't met a chick yet who doesn't love them. If you are not a big wine drinker, but you would like to start getting into more wine, moscato is the perfect wine to cut your eye teeth on.

In other words, if you're drinking this, please revoke your man card and pull your skirt down, your vagina is showing.

Thanks Quincy Jones....

...for your daughter, Rashida Leah Jones.


Hope you didn't think this was gonna be another post MJ "Thriller" post? Nah son, I keeps it fresh.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, the best thing Quincy put out in the 70s was not "Off The Wall" but rather this beautiful product of his loins (pause).

On top of being ridiculous good looking, she is also a Harvard Alum! Beauty, brains and funny too! Who could resist?

Looks like she only digs white guys however :/

Cartoon Network - f*** is you doin yo?

So apparently Cartoon Network has decided to begin a segment on Wednesdays where they show live action shows.

The f***?

Exactly. What happened to the days when you would know what to expect from a channel from it's name? Watching Music Television, I could expect to actually hear some music instead of watching someone's mom pick who he or she should date. A change to American Movie Classics and expect the movie on it not to suck. I could even watch Black Entertainment Television and expect to be entertained, not ashamed of my race. Now they are taking my cartoons?

F***!

Not like there aren't hundreds of channels showing real people every hour of every day. Why change the one top draw for your channel? Why would this change attract viewers?

Now every Wednesday I'll be able to watch a trivia game show that takes place on a rollercoaster. No, really...

F*** my life...

Slamball - Why Didn't I Think of That?

Slamball might be the most genius sport created in the past few years. There is no doubt why it is now shown on television. The idea of it is so brilliant, I'm surprised that it wasn't thought of sooner. Take a sport (basketball), take the most exciting aspect of it (dunking on niggas), subtract the extras (plays and s**t), add trampolines and Voila! Slamball. It just feels right.



"Slamball is the creation of Mason Gordon, who wanted to create a combination of sports that approximated a real-life video game." Yes that is a direct quote. The first television appearance was in 2002 on the not yet named Spike TV after a partnership with former 76ers GM Pat Croce (I wish I was making this up). There was even a draft! Apparently there are rules an s**t but who really cares. The main difference is dunks are worth 3 points, apparently to promote niggas dunking on niggas.

Since "The Man Show" has shown pretty much anything is better with the addition of trampolines, what other sports could benefit from the addition of a trampoline?

TV Commentary

I felt like I needed to write something because I'm OD bored right now and have woefully neglected this here blog. The problem is I really have nothing to talk about. With that said, I think I'll just comment on the goings on of cable television.

Channel: FX
Spider-Man 2

The part where Mary Jane is about to get married to some random dude, but instead shows up at Peter Parker's crib is crazy. First off, let me preface what I'm about to say by mentioning that I think domestic abuse. Anyway, dude is chilling at the altar and this heifer Mary Jane never shows up. How are you gonna wait until the day of the wedding to decide you wanna stick with bum @$$ Peter Parker? If I ever saw her in the streets, she would catch a backhand off top. Weddings are expensive!

On another note, Mary Jane is a jump anyway. She messed with Pete and Harry. Whatever happened to "Bros before Hos"? If they would have never broken rule #1 of bromance (pause) then they never would have fought and Harry's face wouldn't require extensive plastic surgery, word to MJ (RIP).

X-Men 3

Magneto is the dude for a few reasons.

1). He can control metal and magnetic fields and what not. If he's watching TV, he doesn't even have to get up to change the remote. Dude is so powerful, if he wanted to he could eff up the Earth's magnetic field. BAWSE! (c)Officer Ricky

2). He rocks a sweet cloak. A draping cloak is the perfect wardrobe choice for a villain. When walking it seems to have a mind of its own as it flows in the wind behind you.

3). Militancy. Magneto is the Malcolm X to Professor X's Martin Luther King Jr. His approach is very "By Any Means Necessary"-esque. But instead of an AK by the window, he has powers an s**t.

More to come...

Neglect...

I have neglected you blog. I'm sorry. I really have nothing to talk about right now. So um, I'll get back to you...

Eff Lebron

Good job Orlando Magic.



Take that Lebron dick riders!

Cinco de Mayo!!!

Cinco de Mayo aka "A Reason To Drink" Day is upon us. But what exactly is it's purpose minus a reason to get drunk? I initially thought that it was in celebration of Mexico's Independence from Spain, but upon doing some research, it is vastly more insignificant than that, but still a noteworthy day in the history of Mexico.

Cinco de Mayo is of course May 5th (duh). On this date back in 1862, a ragtag group of Mexican army soldiers were able to repel French forces in the not as much heralded Battle of Puebla. These troops, under General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin, were able to defeat a group of French soldiers greatly superior in number and equipment. Yes, as we see here, the French fail once again, a theme that will be repeated time after time in history.


Interestingly enough, Cinco de Mayo is popular more in United States than in Mexico. Yet another example of American habitual swagger jacking (see: St. Patrick's Day). Mexico's actual independence day is September 16th. Who knew? (I did. Thanks Wikipedia!)

So what it appears to be is that the makers of Corona and Tequila have adopted the holiday into an excuse to drink several Coronas and shots of Tequila. I have no problem with that, as I love to drink Coronas and take shots of Tequila. It can't be just coincidence that Coronas were on sale last week. As we see here, this "holiday" is simply another device to drive up the sale of alcoholic beverages. So in light of Cinco de Mayo, have one (several) of these...

Dear Stacey Dash....

Dear Stacey Dash,

I love you. I know that you're in your 40s and married with kids, however, if things don't work out, I'm here for you. Seriously, I can show you what the 80s like. Plus I know what the ladies like. They need a man who's polite, listens and takes advice. I am all three!!! Anyways Ms. Dash, feel free to hit me up on the blog if you ever need some affection from a handsome 23 year old unemployed student...

Love,

P to the tizzen

N.E.R.D. + White People =

I just got put on to the good brothers Chester French, the latest signee to Star Trak records. More than likely they'll come out before Fam'Lay but no comment on that. I can't even hate on the tracks that this group has put out. If you're a fan of N.E.R.D. and rap/alternative then you'll definitely get down with these dudes. The tape includes features from Pusha T, Common, Talib Kweli, Jonelle Monae, Diddy, Jadakiss, Solange, amongst others. Trust me, it goes hard

If you want to download the Chester French mixtape just click here: http://www.zshare.net/download/583844572f2e3b5b/

shoutouts to http://www.seeyouinmynightmares.com

another shoutout to my dude at http://thekidampgreen.blogspot.com/

BAWSE!

Maybach Music pt. 2 featuring Yeezy, Weezy and T-Peezy. Ye is rapping again? *faints* Wayne drops an interesting verse. "Black Maybach I'm sittin in the a_hole" ...what? T-Pain just does what he does. The beat is more epic sounding than the original.

Download: http://www.zshare.net/audio/58379226ebd61874/

Mike's Hard Lemonade

Mike's Hard Lemonade and all it's variations are disgusting. Somehow a couple magically appeared in the refrigerator at home and was the only alcohol left. It wasn't my idea, but my dad's to try one of these. I reluctantly agreed, and we shared one, since we were definitely cautious about trying these drinks. After tasting it, our disgust was for good reason. This s#%& is NASTY. Avoid this s#%& at all costs!



Some other trash I don't get down with is Joose. I do understand why some people like it, as "it'll get ya drunk!" word to Dave Chappelle's "Sam Adams" beer, but I just can't do it. Maybe it's the fact that it's an energy drink with alcohol in it doesn't sit right with my alcoholic instincts. I prefer to be able to pass out when I'm done drinking, thank you very much.

Happy Hour: A Question...

As one who enjoys engaging in adult beverages amongst friends, I must say that the name "Happy Hour" does not accurately describe it. For those who do not drink (or are unfortunate to never have experienced "Happy Hour") this joyous period of time occurs in many bars, restaurants and lounges where drinks and oftentimes food items are served at reduced price. At many locations, such an event begins at 5 p.m. although there are exceptions.

Now the term "Happy Hour" might lead one to believe that this period of time is simply a mere hour, sixty minutes of reduced priced beverages. But no, the good food and beverage workers are much wiser than the average man. Instead of a single hour, these specials usually go on for several hours! What a treat indeed.

Not to complain but would not it be more accurate to change the term to "Happy HourS" to note a period of several hours instead of just one? I suppose it doesn't really matter does it?

With that said, allow me to give a shout out to my favorite spots, Baxters in Norfolk, VA with the $3 premium spirits and Chichos with $1 domestics and well liquor. Were it not for you good people I'm sure I would be hundreds of dollars poorer.

Killa!

He got the internets goin nuts!



&



Courtesy of 5starhiphop.com

http://www.4shared.com/file/89491507/a115cc59/Camron_-_Cookies__Apple_Juice_5STARHIPHOPCOM.html

Twitter: My New Crack

Hello my name is P10 and I'm addicted to Twitter. It's my new e-drug. Anti-drug? Real drugs would probably be less addictive. I'm not quite sure *why* it is but it is.

It's basically a glorified collection of Facebook status reports without having to worry about being poked or denying someone's friend request or event or "You're Cool" "Have a Drink" and "Do this 80s Quiz" nonsense.

As if I didn't spend enough time online and/or on my phone BSin'. Shoutouts to NT.

Eh...in any event, follow me. If you actually read this then chances are you are already following me. Cool! Enjoy my witty observations.

Why James Bond Is "That Dude"

While watching this James Bond marathon on Encore, I came to the realization that Agent 007 is in fact "that dude." He is "a man's man" as a good friend of mine liked to say. Now, in list form, I will expound on the British Secret Service Agent's many desirable traits.

1. He bags the baddest of skeezers



I need not go through all of the females that Mr. Bond has plowed, but it is substantial. In every one of Bond's 20+ films, he pounds at least 2 unsuspecting ladies. And he doesn't discriminate either. American, Asian, Russian, Black, no racial creed is safe from the wrath of James Bond's reproductive organ. No one in this day and age has a comparable lineup. Maybe Wilt.

2. Aston Martins



From the classic DB5s and DB7s to the Vanquish and the Vantage, all of these Aston Martin automobiles are beautiful machines. In a couple movies Mr. Bond could be seen in BMWs. These are generally the poorer movies. This is James Bond, on Her Majesty's Secret Service, not Transporter 3. And of course they are never just normal, high-powered automobiles. They come outfitted with the latest technology from Q which leads me to.....

3. Gidgets Gadgets



James Bond always has the latest in technology. His wrist watch contains more technology than thirty Best Buys. Lasers, bomb detonators among other things. His car has missiles, oil slicks, smoke clouds, spikes. Not to mention the rocket packs, sweet scuba gear, space lasers. Every gadget freaks dream.

4. Alcohol



"Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred." Every man should have a go to drink. And a vodka martini is Bond's. If you have never had a martini before, it's basically vodka and olive juice chilled. England's most bad a$$ agent doesn't drink Cosmos. He likes his drinks strong. And he is also well versed in other fine alcoholic beverages, whether it be a Russian Vodka or Don Perignon 58. Such a connoisseur of delicious libations is one to be admired.

5. Witty Sayings After Murking Someone

Thunderball - James shoots a bad guy with a spear: "I guess he got the point"
Goldfinger - James throws a lamp into a tub to electrocute a bad guy: "Shocking. Positively shocking"
License to Kill - James throws a bad guy into a pool filled with piranhas: "Bon appetit"

I could go on...