You Wanna Know Who I'm Hating On?

You really wanna know who I'm hating on?

F*** Robin Thicke.

Real talk.

Anyways, I would change my last name for the to be named individual....



The lovely Ms Paula Patton. Aka Ms Robin Thicke.

To be completely honest, I would change my last name for this lady.

Which would be interesting because my first name is Patten. Her last name is Patton. My name would be Patten Patton. I might have to change my middle name too, to Pattin or Pattyn. On some Tony Toni Tone type deal.



Yep...

I'm mad...

Why Didn't I Think Of That? - Wine In A Box

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, pretty much anything can be discovered thanks to the world's best internet search engine, Alta Vista.




...


Sorry, I got stuck in 1998 there for a second. But anyways...


Thanks to Google, and also Wikipedia, all of life's great mysteries can be found.

Literally.

I wanted to know who came up with the idea of Wine in a box, so this is what I typed.




Wow, that was really easy. How does Google ALWAYS know what I mean? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!

But I digress...

I thought wine in a box was a relatively new invention. Early 2000s, 90s, late 80s at the earliest. Come to find out, it was actually invented in 1965! See, blogs can be educational too. The box wine process was patented by Australian winemaker Thomas Angove.

Apparently these Polyurethane "bladders" (for lack of a better term) are less susceptible to oxidation, which can spoil wines in glass bottles once opened and not finished in a timely manner. So basically what that means is once you crack that glass, you need to finish it. Bottom line. Or is it Bottom's Up? (Ir)Regardless...

On the downside, boxed wines have a shorter shelf life than bottled wines. You don't buy these and keep them in your basement stored for a special occasion. No maam! Strictly purchase it, pop it, and pour it (and finish it, lest you waste, and I don't condone such nonsense).

Wineries prefer it because it's less expensive and more environmentally friendly. Who knew drinking could help save our Earth? So




equals...




It all makes sense now!

Another interesting fact is "high class" winemakers argue that box wine is a cheap means for alcoholics to get drunk and binge drink. So? Well apparently a box of 5 liter wine, at around 10-15% alcohol (20-30 proof) goes for about $10. Really no excuse to drink Four Loko or Joose at those prices (peep my previous blog post on that). In Australia, box wine is referred as (and I promise I'm not making this up) as "boxy" or "goon."

Goon?

Goon.

It's only right we award it the...




OFFICIAL United States Goon Seal of Approval (that pic is so awesome)